On the Go:

• A 2004 study of “high-mileage moms” by the non-profit Surface Transportation Policy Project found that recent road-time increases mean the average “soccer mom” now spends more minutes each day driving than eating.
• While a University of Michigan study showed that today’s parents spend more time with their children, careful analysis reveals that much of that time is spent chauffeuring them between activities. That is hardly family solitude!
• Over-scheduling may also contribute to the large numbers of children being diagnosed as ADD, ADHD, and depressed, and to the many adolescents who give up and get dragged down by drugs, alcohol, and premature sex.

The following excerpt taken from Putting Family First; Successful Strategies for Reclaiming Family Life in a Hurry-Up World by William Doherty and Barbara Z Carlson.

Frantic families with well-intentioned parents are acting like recreation directors on a turbo-charged family cruise ship.  Children are involved in soccer, hockey, piano, Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, baseball, football, karate, gymnastics, dance, violin, band, craft clubs, foreign language classes, academic enrichment courses, and religious youth activities.  Family life today revolves around children’s activities rather than these activities revolving around the family’s schedule.

Parents complain about running all the time, having dinner in the car between practices, and missing out on visiting grandparents or summer vacations because of sports tournaments and specialized camps. Though over-whelmed, we still don’t think we are doing enough for our children.

According to a national survey conducted by the University of Michigan’s Survey Research Center, since the late 1970’s, children have lost twelve hours per week in free time, including a 25 percent drop in playing and a 50 percent drop in unstructured outdoor activities. 

Something is out of whack in American family life, but it’s not because parents are enrolling their children in bad activities.  We know from common sense and a lot of research that extracurricular involvement is good for kids – they contribute to a rich life for a child. The issue is one of balance. And balance requires setting priorities. Right now, there is a serious imbalance and a confused set of priorities in the raising of this generation of children.

The adult world of hyper-competition and marketplace values has invaded the family.  Parents of course love their children and try to do what is best for them. But we are raising our children in a culture that defines a good parent as an opportunity provider in a competitive world. Parenting becomes like product development, with insecure parents never knowing when they’ve done enough and when their children are falling behind.  Keeping our children busy at least means they are in the game.

Parents seem all too willing to pay for equipment, registration fees, traveling expenses, coaches’ salaries, than to be content with low-key family activities like hanging out together on a Sunday afternoon or playing a board game on a Friday night. It’s the same with children’s playtime:  we don’t easily assign ourselves “parents points” for providing our children with time to daydream and mak up games to play with the neighbor kids. Parenting has become a competitive sport, with the trophies going to the busiest.

How can you bring balance back into your life? Start by making an evaluation of your family’s involvement by filling out the Family Activity Planner.

• Family activity planner, Pg 1 (chart)

Questions to Ponder:

1. What are the cherished and absolute priorities for our family – those things that we won’t give up (i.e. family dinners, weekly worship, visits to grandparents, family vacations, etc.) ? How can we keep these cherished times? Should we put family priorities on the calendar first?  Should we make decisions that won’t interfere with these cherished times?  Are there other considerations?
2. What do we wish we had more time to do ( i.e. eat together, visit relatives, play together, vacation, allow more “down time” etc.) ? What can we change so this happens?  What are we willing to give up so we have more time together?
3. When we choose activities for ourselves and our children, how will they impact our family time together?  Will we be able to eat family meals at least four times a week? Will there be time for our family to play together? Will there e time for each of us to just relax and hang out? Will we be able to keep our cherished priorities?
4. Are we all doing the things we REALLY want to be doing?  Is there anything that we could drop to free up more time for family?

Other Quizzes

Strategies to finding balance:

• Drop one activity
• Reduce intensity of involvement with a current activity
• Take a sabbatical from outside activity for a period of time
• Eliminate television and other media from activities where you want family conversation
• Add more meals together, a special “family night”, schedule a vacation
• Reduce crowded schedules and create conversational spaces not dominated by television and other media.
• Before you say yes, make sure everyone knows how much time is required for an activity. Will there be time to practice between lessons? Will homework suffer? How does it impact the entire family?
• If you find an empty space on the calendar, leave it alone.
• Ask what the organizations policy is about missing practices, games, performances, etc..

You have to say no to lots of good opportunities because they will interfere with the best opportunity you can give your child, and that is, a close family. It takes discipline, vigilance, and long-range planning. Even parents with the best intentions strive to micromanage every detail of their kid’s lives and live in constant fear that their child will under perform in any area - academic, social, athletic.  Childhood is a preparation, not a full performance!

Hyper Parenting

What’s Happening to our Kids?

The Joys of Doing Nothing

Is Your Child Too Busy?

Time Out or Burn Out for the Next Generation: Harvard University