Families allow their overscheduled, frantic lives to pull them apart and take priority over rituals that bond a family together, such as holiday celebrations, weekend outings and vacations.   Private family time establishes and nurtures a family identity and a sense of purpose that is an important asset in maintaining stability in the face of stress.

The following excerpt taken from Putting Family First; Successful Strategies for Reclaiming Family Life in a Hurry-Up World by William Doherty and Barbara Z Carlson

There is something about leaving the house that makes some kinds of family connections easier to make. Whether it’s a walk or a leisurely drive and a trip for ice cream, leaving the distractions of the house (television, toys, phone, computer, housework), frees us up to talk and be together in different ways. Many parents of teenagers report that their teens bring up worries in the car, with both parent and child facing traffic and not each other, that do not come out at home.  Some parents have found the car to be the best place to talk about sex. And many families have their greatest enjoyment on a road trip or at an amusement park, far away from the routines of the home.

The challenge is to carve out enough time for going out, and to be intentional about connecting when you do so. Being too scheduled with individual activities makes it hard to have spontaneous outings. You can’t wake up on a Saturday morning and say “Let’s head to the lake” when most Saturday mornings are committed to individual activities such as dance recitals and sports events. Of course the same is true if the parents’ work schedules spill over into evenings and weekends.  If going out always has an external purpose – to get somewhere for an event – it’s not the same as going out for enjoyment and connection.

There is a big difference between driving to the Dairy Queen or to  pick apples, and driving at the last minute to a piano practice or hockey game. In addition to time pressure, the main difference is that, in a going-out ritual, you all know that the purpose is to have fun together, as opposed to accomplishing some task or getting to a destination. Fandom moments of connection while driving somewhere are to be treasured, but you can’t count on  them as a way to connect with a child – especially now that so many kids prefer to wear their own earphones or watch a video in the backseat of the SUV.

Going-out rituals can be with the whole family or with sub-groups.  Going out to eat as a family is a ready-made opportunity for a ritual or connection, as long as you are deliberate. When you are a young person, its’ a lot easier to ask for pizza or ice cream than to ask for bonding time with your parents!

Please tell us about how you connect on a family outing so we can share it with others.